WINING ETIQUETTE PART 2

At last, here is the long awaited part two to wining etiquette. The ladies point of view, courtesy of JO-GO.

LOOK FOR PART ONE HERE

I’ve been to quite a few parties in my day, and every single time, as far back as I can remember, I’ve been hoodwinked. No matter how hype or all-inclusive the party is, there is always the chance of running into THAT guy.  There are several types of men who I have had the displeasure of encountering when I go to parties, and who have  made my party going experience over the years, less than great. Meet the 10 guys no woman should ever have to contend with at parties…but yet…we do…

Guy number 1: Mr. Talker. This guy, after having been lucky enough to be chosen for THE wine, insists on being a talk show host. This guy wants to ask a million questions…What’s your name? Where do you  work etc…He has the worst timing too, as the barrage of questions always seem to come right when the latest wining song starts playing. I’ve had to stop mid-wine, and ask the guy (in a not-so-polite way) to excuse me, because he was annoying me with his questions…

Guy number 2: Mr. Off-key wine .This is the guy who can’t wine to save his life. You think he would know that right?! Nope! How hard can wining be?! Listen to the music…Move to the beat… Simple! The off-key winer is either wining too fast or too slow, and doesn’t realize that when the tempo changes, he should adjust the speed of his wine.

Guy number 3:  Mr. Too Tall /Short. Wining with a guy who is too tall or too short is just an uncomfortable fit. Pressure on your back. Pressure on your knees. Just way more trouble than it’s worth. Guys need to measure up before they approach a girl. It would be a more pleasurable encounter  for all parties concerned.

Guy number 4: Mr. Lift and Flip. This is the worst kind. You’re there giving him a nice little wine. Music  pumping. Vibe flowing. Then out of no where…this guy lifts you up and flips you over!!! In order to maintain balance you may have to wrap your legs tightly around him. He misconstrues this action as a sign of enjoyment, and so refuses to put you down. This guy deserves a serious bitch slap! How dare he think that I’m that kind of girl!!! We’re NOT at Passa Passa and we’re NOT on the dancehall channel. I’m still pissed at the last guy who did that to me…Everytime I see him wanna slap him up side his head… :@

Guy number 5: Mr. Clumsy. Picture Steve Urkel at a party. Mr. Clumsy steps on your toe and/or spills his drink all over your pretty white dress! Sooooo annoying!!! His clumsiness may be due in part to his off-key winer attributes, as this guy is likely to step on your toe while he’s busy missing the beat. Drink-spilling may be due to the fact that he’s as drunk as a skunk. This guy is trying to ‘teif a wine”, yet he can’t even stand upright. He proceeds to spill his drink, scream in your ear, or worse, try to lean up on you. Nothing is more of a turn-off!    

Guy number 6: Mr. Hitchhiker. This guy, after getting his ONE wine, refuses to leave you alone. You’d think you went together. He lingers long after the wine and insists on striking up a conversation. He’s more than likely cramping your style, so other prospects are deterred. What’s even worse, is if Mr. Hitchhiker is an off-key winer. You don’t really want to change location because all your friends are already settled in that spot, so you can’t ditch him. This guy is just asking for a boof (Jamaican term for a contemptible rejection) and he will most likely get it. All I’m saying is, if you notice that the girl is inching away from you…don’t follow her. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t want you to “hitch on”.

Guy number 7: Mr. Sweaty. We live in a tropical country. It’s almost always hot. We expect to burst a sweat or two when we attend these events. However, no one wants a stranger’s sweat to be dripping all over them. Nothing is worse than a sweaty stranger rubbing up on you. It’s just plain nasty! If you are sweating, please cool down yourself before approaching a prospective dance partner.

Guy number 8: Mr. Unkempt. Ahhh bwoy! It’s simple guys. Sort out yourself before yuh touch di road nuh!!! Clean clothes, deodorant, fresh breath. It’s not too much to ask. Enough said!  

Guy number 9: Mr. Unappreciative. After you give this guy a proper  wine…tiad out yourself, Mr. Man doesn’t think he should even offer you a drink!!! Worse if it’s an all-inclusive party, the least you can do is offer to get a drink at the bar…kmt!  

Guy number 10: Mr. Shy-Guy. Confidence is one of the most attractive traits in a person. If you skulk off in a corner and send your friend to ask me for a wine…your answer will be NO! (I may dance with your friend instead) Man up! Approach me yourself. Not saying you should just “teif a wine” but, if you put yourself out there confidently, your chance of getting the wine, is greater. I absolutely hate the “spectators” who stand around talking among themselves, staring at me and my friends, wanting a wine, but are too scared to approach.  When most women go to parties, they want to be danced with. Why else would we go through all the trouble to get all dolled up, if it’s not to enjoy ourselves on the dance floor?! Sigh…  

There u have it! Hope you enjoyed this weeks postings. Obligations at my real work will keep me away next week, but expect a few good new posts after that. By that time we may even have a few band launches and I will certainly give you my take on them…from a mans point of view!

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