My upcoming trip to Barbados has got me thinking about a few blog topics recently.
One interesting one was the topic of ” is wine from my country better than wine from yours”.
This really got me thinking because over the years I think I have sampled wine from all over the Carribean and so feel qualified to make a few general statements.

Jamaica
The native music of my island tends to be much slower than the average soca song and as such we have learned and feel more comfortable with slow wine. Fast soca takes us out of our comfort zone. Guys here just give up after a while and jook. And even the women tend to get a bit disorganised at speed. At that speed you can’t really tell the difference anyway (I hear). Groovy soca is where we really come into our own. Most Jamaicans have been perfecting the art of slow to midtempo wine since puberty and at our age the wine can look more like adult performance art rather than “just a wine”.

Trinidad and most of Caribbean
Sorry to lump you all into one group but from a man’s point of view there is little perceptible difference. Trust me, I’m not at all putting a negative connotation on this because small island wine sweet still. From slow to fast the timing is usually on point. Even when the wining partner is off timing, they adjust to compensate (so I’ve heard).

Bajan wine.
This country also gets a category to itself. I have come across Bajan wine both at uwi campus in my youth as well as at Trinidad carnival. Let’s say I’m slightly apprehensive about my upcoming trip. Bajan wine can be just as pleasing as the small island wine mentioned above but there is also a thing called the “wuk up”. As far as I’m concerned this is a female Bajan term for “die crotch, die!”. Bajan women will literally hurl bamsee in your crotches. The feeling is similar to this:

I have literally have had to try turn to the side a bit in an attempt to protect the family jewels from pulverization.

The thing is, I see Bajan men managing quite fine. They simply pelt jook back at the women like there is no tomorrow. No time for wine!

In any case I plan to do as the natives do and as such will be closely examining YouTube videos and asking advice from our resident expert lawless to ensure I get back home in one piece.

Are you ready to Wukk Up?