Carnival Smorgasbord
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Let me start this article by stating that despite how it looks I am not aiming to reduce women to just a single body part or characteristic . I too have a mother, sister, wife, daughter etc. This is just a light hearted inspection of the things that go on in guys heads no matter how decent and politically correct you be! (maybe just in my head?). Also, the photos I use are for illustration only! Those pictured dont necessarily match the part of the article they are close to.
After reading an intriguing article posted by a fellow blogger I came to realize that when chipping down the road, we fellas revert back to our basic instincts…We scan our surroundings for suitable wining partners to touch base with briefly (gotta be diplomatic). Whats suitable for you may not be suitable for me but I think I have figured out a few broad categories that most of us can identify with.
1. The Carnival Diva!
This lady always looks like she just stepped out of the salon. The hair remains in place throughout the day and they have the ability to actually voluntarily withhold sweat. They have it…they show it! We watch.
Be careful. The paparazzi are ALWAYS nearby!
2. The Stallion!
They are few….and highly sought out. You have to have endurance to track one of these elusive creatures. They never stop moving…never tire!
Abs of titanium, and glutes of pure adamantium are the name of their game (steel is for wusses). If you DARE challenge one make sure you are up to the task. Many a man has suffered the agony of slipped discs and dislocated hips trying to manage these wild beasts, although all have done so with a smile on their face.
3. The Challenge/Amazon queen
This is the one that you need a drink to help you man up for. For their imposing size, these ladies are usually very quiet and tend not to dance much. They are usually extremely ample, tall and also wear giant platform shoes. Mere mortals of average height may only be getting a chest wine from behind if any at all. Be careful. They are often accompanied by equally imposing boyfriends.
4. The Wine you to death girl
This is the lady that has a high pressure job and lots of stress at home and once a year…ONCE A YEAR, lets her hair down. She has come to wine. With you and your entire crew. She not looking back, she not asking name or questions. The hair sweat out….the costume tear to shreds, she dont care! Carnival soon done!
Carnival is all about woman. Im sure there are many more categories! Fellas, help me out nah?
Whats your preference?
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I’m the wine you to death girl. Yep. That’s me. Can’t wait to do it again. Can’t do the Diva (i’m a mom), can’t be the amazon (i’m too short and curvy), and the stallion works out way more than I do. I don’t have time for all of that. Just twice a year (Caribana and Trinidad), I let it all go. Period. The End. Watch out for me.
I salute you!
I’m definitely the wine you to death girl.. i work my ass off the entire year, i’m stressed the f@#k out… Carnival is my release, and i’m ready to get crazy and not give a f$#@,,,,,
omg…I started reading #4 and immediately recognized myself! Wine You To Death girl right here…cause is the one time the hair let down for real! I call it 1,000 wine on 1,000 man…I came to wine and chew gum…and I’m fresh out of gum! 😀
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That woman in the section titled amazon queen…she never misses a carnival! From Cropover to NY, Miami and Trini I see her everywhere! AND she plays mas in high heels, craziness! lol
I have a caption for picture 3 of 3 at the very bottom: “Tempting but too young” or, as we say in the USA, “Jail bait”. Those two girls in the middle of the picture MIGHT be 18 and the other two are definitely not. Since they are under age, two really bad things can happen wining with minors: jail time or getting your butt kicked by dad, uncles, and brothers.
Thanks. Will do. Feel free to suggest a few of your own as well:)Sent from my iPhone 4
This article is epic! Please add more categories when you thnk of them. LMAO.
OMG. Bottom in de road!Last time I was a diva, I think next year I’ma have to be a wine you to death woman yes. I ready for Carnival bachannal all now.